


i loved you so

by wouldratherbe



Category: Glee
Genre: "straight" girl crushes, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up Talk, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25772755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldratherbe/pseuds/wouldratherbe
Summary: Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too muchBut maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all upRunning scared, I was there, I remember it all too wellor: quinn can't do this anymore.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	i loved you so

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't good, i know. but i had some feelings i wanted to get out. plus i was listening to 'all too well' on repeat today.
> 
> title from 'all too well' by taylor swift

**_Me: did i do something that i am unaware of? again?_ **   
**_Me: i wish you’d just tell me instead of playing the silent game._ **

Rachel still isn’t sure what the last straw was. The hand-holding, maybe, although Quinn had initiated that first. No one (that Rachel knew) had seen them kiss, so that _probably_ wasn’t the issue. Although with Quinn, one could never know for sure.

Maybe it was because Quinn Fabray truly, seriously believed she was straight.

Either way, Quinn had spent the whole day avoiding her not-girlfriend, acting like nothing was wrong (when something obviously was), and now Rachel was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, and waiting for a text that wasn’t coming.

_Bing._

The girl shot up, hands instantly gripping her phone and swiping through, opening the latest text.

**_Quinner: can i call you?_ **

Rachel’s hands hovered over the keyboard, before she tapped out a quick _“sure”_ and hit send. She tried to ignore the pounding in her head, and the turning in her stomach, and the overall sense of downright dread that filled her when Quinn’s picture showed up on her screen, happy and bright. Despite herself, she smiled at the girl, hitting the green dot.

“Hey,” Rachel answered first, putting the phone on speaker and tugging at the stray tufts on her faux-fur blanket.

“Hi,” the girl replied, and from that one word, Rachel recognized the situation. She used it herself on numerous occasions. Right now, if Rachel had to guess, Quinn was sitting at her kitchen island, facing the garage door so she would know if her parents came home, with talking points written down in front of her, and a pen that she kept clicking. Nervous habit.

“So, what’s the deal, Q?”

“We can’t do this anymore.”

Rachel’s breath caught, which was interesting, because out of every scenario she ran through before this conversation, this was the second likeliest. But it still hurt like a bitch.

“I-”

“I just think that you’ve grown very dependent on me, and, to be honest, I’m starting to grow dependent on you. You seem to… need me, and I’m not sure it’s healthy.”

Rachel grimaced, brow furrowing as she thought back on their interactions. They were close, sure, but Rachel wasn’t… _dependent._

“Plus, at the end of the day, I’m not gay, Rachel, and I don’t want to be leading you on like that. I-I’m sorry I ever did. And don’t say I’m homophobic, because you _know_ I’m not, but… I’m not gay.”

Rachel couldn’t help but roll her eyes, wiping away the stray tears that she hadn’t realized had fallen. Were they even dating? Why was she crying over Quinn Fabray?

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I love you, Rachel. As-as a friend. And I want you to be able to… move on from this weird crush on me.”

“This weird crush on you,” Rachel echoed. “You think I have a weird crush on you? This is all… what, made up?”

“Rachel, it has to be, okay?” Quinn was getting frustrated, and her voice was breaking. “I’m sorry that I led you on-”

Rachel scoffed.

“But I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, I just can’t. I need you to understand. Do you understand?”

The brunette nodded, grabbing her stuffed bunny and hugging it tight. There was silence for a while, and she realized she hadn’t said anything. “I understand, Quinn. I just wish… I wish we were coming to the right understanding here.”

“Rachel-” Quinn’s voice was clearer, and there was the sound of a car beeping, and Rachel knew Quinn was going upstairs to her bedroom. She could imagine the lilac bedspread, and the pointe shoes dropped haphazardly in the corner, and the picture of Quinn and her sister on the nightstand.

“What do we do about school? We have three classes together, and glee club. Ballet. What do I do when I see you tomorrow?”

Quinn made a weird sputtering sound, the one Rachel hated from anyone else, but thought was really freaking cute when Quinn did it. It made her stomach hurt now.

“I’m not gonna tell you to ignore me, Rachel. But I think we need a break to let things… get back to normal. So… you know…”

“What, act like strangers?” Everything she said sounded strange now. Disconnected. And yes, maybe she was being dramatic, but maybe she was allowed, in this moment. Her first love was breaking her heart.

“For now,” Quinn murmured, and it was so soothing that Rachel wanted to cry. Well, she wanted to cry harder. “And hopefully, we’ll be able to have a fresh start, when we’re both ready. Okay?”

“Okay,” Rachel muttered, squeezing her bunny tighter as she tried to make it sound like she wasn’t crying.

“This is for the better.”

There was silence, and Rachel knew that Quinn was probably doing the same thing. Staring at her phone, waiting for a response, wanting a different ending, silently begging for this phone call to be over.

“Okay, Rachel. I’ll see you. Yeah?”

“Mhm. Hey, Quinn, I…” _Say it, Rachel._ Quinn would kill her, possibly, but she needed the girl to know.

“Yes?”

“I just… I want you to have a good night.”

“You too, Rachel. Bye.”

She hung up before anything else could be said, and there Rachel sat, lying there like a crumpled up piece of paper. _She’s just being honest,_ the girl tried to tell herself, but that wasn’t the truth, was it? No, at its very basics, Quinn was being Quinn. Casually cruel Quinn.

God, Rachel wanted her back.

**Author's Note:**

> ha.
> 
> for background: this takes place towards the end of their junior year, but it's canon divergent from 2x01 on.
> 
> please leave kudos and comment if you liked. thanks for reading xx


End file.
